The Duke's Dilemma Read online

  "I don't think we have to worry yet,” Mary Ann protested, “but I think you're right. I must get more serious about finding my perfect man."

  "I don't believe in perfect anything.” Helena stated. “At least with the duke I might have the opportunity to set ground rules of what I want from the marriage. But, you know why I can't marry."

  "What happened occurred years ago. You must forget all of that and allow yourself to go forward. You want to consider the duke's offer.” Mary Ann pulled Helena up. “And I think you'd make a wonderful duchess. Think of all the prestige it would give me,” Mary Ann quipped.

  "I don't know, Mary Ann, but you're right, part of me wants to think about the possibility. Now please,” she caught Mary Ann's hand, “don't run and tell anyone I've made a decision. I'll talk with the duke, if he mentions it again, and we'll see."

  "Fine, let's go in. Mama sent me to remind you this is the last evening our company will be here. We must be downstairs on time for dinner."

  Helena and Mary Ann walked toward the house.

  "You shouldn't be on you feet, Mary Ann."

  "The doctor said I'm fine, a slight sprain, and my cane helps. Don't worry. Mama was wrong to scold you. My bad behavior put me in danger."

  "She's right. If I'd told her, she'd have sent someone right out to bring you home. Instead, I was irritated with you and didn't want to endure the confusion created when everyone found out you had disappeared."

  "I don't even understand my own behavior lately. I only know the duke is not the man for me,” Mary Ann stated firmly.

  Helena laughed, “Well, you got your message across.” And unfortunately, Mary Ann's message led to her present predicament.

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  Chapter 6

  Dinner over, Helena and Mary Ann followed the other women into the small drawing room. Prudence spoke to her sister in a loud voice. “I will be very glad to be on our way tomorrow. Our friends will be arriving in town for the season and I look forward to all the activities."

  Priscilla smiled at Helena and Mary Ann, “Will your family be coming to town soon?"

  "In a week or two,” Lady Steeples joined in. “My husband hates to leave the estate and waits until the last possible moment."

  "There is no need for Lady Mary Ann to go to town since she obviously does not desire to marry. She surely will not receive another offer more prestigious or advantageous than my brother's.” Prudence held her head up, furled her brow, and pointed her sharp nose at Mary Ann.

  Helena caught Mary Ann's arm tight, to prevent her from stepping up to Prudence and saying something rude or worse, striking her across her tight-lipped face.

  "My sister discovered she and your brother are not compatible. Mary Ann desires to be in love with her husband and that is certainly understandable. I'm sure your brother will have no difficulty finding someone more agreeable for him."

  "Humph, love? Women marry to better themselves or at least not lower their position. Love has little to do with it,” Prudence snapped.

  "Prudence,” the Duchess exclaimed. “You will apologize immediately for your unladylike behavior. We are guests and it does not show your best character to criticize your host family."

  "My unladylike behavior? Lady Mary Ann is the one who has demonstrated such by her actions. I am only stating the truth of the matter."

  Helena was happy to see the gentlemen coming into the room. The duke's eyes met hers briefly, before he turned away. She had not seen him since earlier in the day. As usual, he dressed impeccably. He drew attention from both the women and the men with his commanding stature.

  "Are you going to talk with him?” Mary Ann whispered.

  "I don't know. It's up to him, and anyway, I won't be rushed to make such an important decision. If he wants to give me time, that's fine. Otherwise he can ask someone else."

  Mary Ann shrugged. “I can't blame you. He may be handsome, but he is much too solemn and duty bound. You might meet someone else you'd rather marry. Wait and see."

  Helena did not answer her sister. There was no answer. She'd been out for three seasons since she was eighteen. The duke was the first man to seriously arouse her interest.

  But, she needed time to decide whether to accept his marriage proposal, and if so, how to tell him her secret. She feared seeing his reaction. Would he turn from her in disgust? He'd probably turn away for good. Unaware of his approach, the duke's deep voice startled her out of her reverie.

  "Lady Helena."

  "Your Grace.” She nodded her head.

  "Would you care to walk in the garden?"

  Helena pulled her shawl closer around her. This was an opportunity to let him know her thoughts. Still, she hesitated. Walking at night in the garden seemed intimate and dangerous after their earlier encounter.

  "We leave tomorrow morning. Have you possibly reconsidered your answer, after some reflection?"

  Helena moved toward the side door. He opened it and followed her out.

  "I believe your reluctance to speak with me alone has given me your answer. You continue with your determination to not marry."

  "You assume too much. You said you wanted to talk, so give me an opportunity to tell you my thoughts."

  He bowed to her and put out his arm. “Fine, let's walk along this path and enjoy the fragrance from your mother's rose garden."

  Looking away from him yet very aware of his firm arm muscles under her hand, Helena took a deep breath and began to speak. “I can't make such an important decision quickly. Since Lawson's death, I have been determined to not marry.

  "But,” she stopped walking and turned to face him, “I do love children and as most women I'd like to have my own home. I am not sure about being a duchess or that if you knew me better you would still want me to fill that role."

  "You may set your own style as my wife and keep social gatherings to a minimum. I certainly don't care about them."

  She studied him, his face an unreadable mask. “You wanted to marry my sister. I expect because she is well versed in the social aspects of your obligations. You must know I will not do nearly as well. I'd try to hide from them if possible.” She smiled at him.

  "True, but I also see the advantage to a merger of our families."

  * * * *

  He listened to her words and studied the fleeting expressions on her face. She held something back.

  The drawing she'd done of him had been a surprise. The details of the picture denied her protests of disinterest.

  She'd said he would not want her for his duchess if he knew her well. He sensed something about being his duchess and in the public eye frightened her more than the attraction sparking between them.

  There was a key here. A missing part to this puzzle. Nicholas had always been enticed with mysteries and finding answers. This was why he was good at his government job. He enjoyed working as head of a team of special spies trained to find out any threatening information against their country and stop leaks from going to the enemy.

  The moonlight tangled in the golden strands of her hair and the breeze blew her soft muslin gown against her long legs, outlining her lovely body. His hands wanted to reach out and touch the creamy skin of her arms and her exposed neckline. Fluid heat ran down his body and he felt himself grow hard.

  Almost involuntarily, one of his hands cupped the back of her neck. She stopped talking, her eyes startled like a doe stunned and quivering, not sure how to react.

  He tipped her head up and brushed his lips over her mouth. When her lips parted, his tongue swept inside the moist sweetness. He cradled her head in one hand and brought her body close against his with the other.

  When he deepened the kiss, she tangled her hands in his hair and pushed her breasts against his hard chest. He moaned and a shudder went through her. He forced himself to slowly release her and step back.

  Around her, he seemed to have no more control then he did as a randy sixteen year old boy. His usual coolness and reserve disap
peared whenever she came into the same room with him. He wanted her and he would have her.

  * * * *

  Confusion clouded her mind as she tried to ignore the ache that had built up in her body from his touch. She stared mesmerized into his green eyes. What was happening to her? He both fascinated her and frightened her. With him, she feared she might lose herself, her independence.

  "This makes no sense,” she caught herself saying aloud. Pulling her shawl over her shoulders and holding it tightly across her breasts, she started to walk toward the French window. “We must go inside.” She heard the quiver in her voice.

  She hesitated at the door and glanced back. “I will consider your proposal, Your Grace. But, in the meantime, if you should meet someone more fitting send me a letter informing me of your changed situation. I will not stand in your way."

  "When might I expect to hear from you, Lady Helena?"

  "I'm not sure. I will not keep you dangling long."

  "Thank you.” He bowed. “I shall wait for further correspondence from you."

  Helena took his arm and they went inside. “You must be looking forward to seeing the last of us, Your Grace."

  "You would think so.” He spoke cryptically, a slight smile on his lips.

  * * * *

  Helena stood beside her parents and the rest of her family to tell their guests good-by. She watched the last coach go out of sight.

  "Thank goodness that is over.” Mary Ann stated.

  "You are a foolish young woman. Who ever heard of turning down an offer from a duke?” Sophia glared at Mary Ann. “Why the prestige alone would give your family a greater status. How could you have been so selfish and not think about the rest of us?"

  "If you wanted prestige, you should have married a duke, instead of an earl's son,” Mary Ann snapped back.

  "Well, I never,” Sophia said, placing her hand on her chest and turning up her nose.

  "Girls, stop it!” Lady Steeples said. “Remember your manners."

  Mary Ann flounced off down the hall and Sophia went in the opposite direction. Helena and her brother looked at each other and started laughing.

  "It reminds me of the old days when we were kids,” her brother said. “Guess I'd better go and try to tease my wife into a better humor. We will leave later today for London."

  Lady Steeples watched until her son walked out of sight. “What a horrible visit for the duchess and her family and for your father and me. Both my daughters turned down the duke's proposal and neither has another offer.” She threw her hands out. “I give up. I will be in my room. My heart pains me at my daughters’ behavior."

  Helena watched her mother leave, her father following behind. She strode directly to the winding stairs of her retreat. Agnes had gone to rest. Finally, she'd have peace and quiet.

  His presence seemed to linger. Touching her lips, she remembered yesterday and his embrace. If Agnes had been with her she'd have told him no and that would have been the end of it. No kissing or holding her. She'd forgotten the feel of a man's arms around her.

  And then last night he'd kissed her again. She'd wanted to taste his mouth and feel that hard, strong body against hers.

  Lawson had held her close before he left and kissed her, touched her. She had forced the scene out of her mind so many times that gradually it had faded.

  She must decide whether to let go of her past concerns about marriage and go forward, or stay as she was before the duke came barging into her room and her life.

  * * * *

  Helena sat on her bed and watched as Agnes directed the maids in packing her dresses for their trip to town. She was both excited and anxious about the trip.

  "I've been looking for you. Look what Papa brought from the village. Sent to you, from London.” Mary Ann thrust a package wrapped in brown paper into Helena's hands. “Open it. I'm so excited. Who do you suppose sent you a gift?"

  Helena's name and address written in large bold letters leaped out at her. “Let's walk outside and get some fresh air.” Helena carried the package and led the way to a shady spot under a tall old oak tree.

  After they'd sat on a nearby stone bench, Helena pulled the wrapping off and discovered a lovely picture book of gardens. She opened the front cover, and a slip of paper fell out. Mary Ann quickly retrieved it for Helena.

  Lady Helena, I saw this in the bookstore and thought of you. Perhaps it will give you some new ideas for your paintings. With best regards, Nicholas Selwyn.

  Looking over Helena's shoulder, Mary Ann gasped in surprise. “The duke sent you a gift. How thoughtful of him to choose such a special present for you."

  "Yes, it is nice.” She hugged the book to her chest.

  "I do believe you are going to accept his proposal,” Mary Ann stated and stood up. “Sophia will be overjoyed."

  Helena watched her sister go into the house. Did Mary Ann regret rejecting the duke? More and more Helena felt a distance growing between her and her twin. Tonight she would determine Mary Ann's true feelings regarding Helena marrying the duke.

  * * * *

  After dinner and a quiet evening spent with their parents, Helena and Mary Ann retired to their rooms. “Wait.” Helena put out her hand and stopped her sister from going into her own bedroom. “Come in and sit with me for a while. We need to talk."

  "Mama and Papa did not mention your gift. Did you not show them what the duke sent you?” Mary Ann asked, following Helena through the door.

  "No, I took it up to the turret room. I didn't want any discussion about my marital status until I make my decision. That's why I wanted to speak with you."

  "Me! You have to make up your own mind about this, Helena."

  "I will. But you sounded regretful this afternoon. Have you changed your mind? Do you now want to marry the duke, Mary Ann?"

  "Heavens no! I admit to being a little jealous of your pretty gift. I want to meet someone, fall madly in love, and receive beautiful gifts. However, your duke is not for me. And are you sure you don't want to wait for a man who will make your heart pound madly in your chest?"

  For a second, Helena remembered her response to Nicholas the morning he offered for her and later that evening. He had taken her by surprise. There was nothing more to it. She refused to dwell on the gamut of emotions that had overwhelmed her each time.

  "I would be satisfied with someone I can respect and who respects me,” she said in response to her sister's question. “There is a lot to be said for setting down on paper all the expectations of a marriage. You know what to expect and will have no surprises along the way."

  "Surprises are what make life worth living. When Lawson went off to sea all your spontaneity went with him.” Mary Ann shook her head. “I wonder what Lawson would think if he saw you today."

  How very true Helena thought and then worried again about her need to talk with the duke, open and honestly. Or could she forget everything about the past and take what she wanted here in the present? She knew Mary Ann's answer was yes without even asking.

  "Lawson is my past,” she responded to Mary Ann. “There's no reason to consider what he'd think of me today. We've all changed. I'm no longer a young girl dreaming of the perfect husband and marriage. Seeing the Ton and their behavior has taken away any foolish dreams of my childhood."

  "Silly. It doesn't have to be that way. There are still love matches. Not everyone is only looking for titles and money."

  "I will leave you with your belief, Mary Ann, and I have my own."

  Mary Ann snickered on her way to the door. “Watch out, dear sister, love can come along unsuspectingly and sweep you off your feet. I know I feel like I am going to meet the man of my dreams soon."

  "I thought Harry was the one.” Helena retorted.

  "Harry helped me out of a difficult situation and he is funny at times, but...” She smiled wickedly at Helena. “He is not the one."

  Mary Ann walked back to Helena's side. “Do you remember when we used to have a sense of foreboding befo
re something important or traumatic occurred?” she whispered.

  "Yes, I do."

  "I have sensed something about to happen and I think it will change my life."

  Helena pulled her sister down by her. “I haven't had any feelings of forewarning in several years either. Nevertheless, every time the duke is near me, it's as though he can read my mind."

  "Did you feel that way with Lawson?"

  "No. Not even when he was in danger. Nothing at all came through."

  "Perhaps he was not your true love."

  Helena smiled at Mary Ann. “We're being silly. There is nothing to this premonition or forewarning, whatever we want to call it."

  "You didn't think that when we were younger."

  "It was a fun thing to talk about."

  Mary Ann stood and went to leave. “I prefer to believe in it."

  Helena thought about Mary Ann's remarks after she left. Mary Ann might be impractical and impulsive, but she filled the air around her with gaiety and love. Helena undressed and crawled into bed.

  She lay for hours listening to the night sounds of rustling leaves and a lone wolf howling in the distance. Filling her mind with rationalization and sensibility, she tried to deny her second sense.

  They'd soon be in London and she'd have to make a decision. Right now, the answers kept changing back and forth in her mind until she wanted to grab the many contradictory thoughts whirling madly in her head.

  When she shut her eyes, Lawson's blue eyes no longer smiled at her. Instead, green, unfathomable eyes steadily regarded her. “Nicholas,” she whispered, softly. She recalled the touch of his lips, demanding, caressing. His hands holding her tightly. A shiver ran down her back and she snuggled into the covers.

  Her thoughts refused to go away and let her rest. The family planned to leave for London in a day's time. She got out of bed and went to the window seat where she huddled in her blanket.

  If she accepted Nicholas’ proposal, her life would change. Moving into his residence meant living apart from Mary Ann. Being away from all her family. And if she married him without telling him the truth, how would he treat her when he discovered her shameful secret?