The Duke's Dilemma Page 5

  The simple reason he wanted to marry was to have an heir. Nothing more, he reminded himself vehemently.

  If he had a brother, he would never marry. Having had women around him all his life, he'd found them a disruption to his quiet busy existence.

  He leaned against the rock where Helena had stood. In the distance, lambs frolicked in the fields and men worked. He loved his job in parliament and his private, very secret work for his country as head of a group of spies. The main reason for an heir insured Harry did not inherit his title.

  Helena's astuteness regarding his cousin surprised him. Harry envied him and did all he could to disrupt Nicholas’ life.

  With determination, he mounted his horse and headed back to the manor house. He would speak with her parents this morning. He was not about to start looking for another to be his duchess. No, the better choice for him was Helena.

  [Back to Table of Contents]

  Chapter 5

  Helena left her horse with one of the stable boys and went inside. She hoped to change and calm herself before running into any of their other guests.

  Pouring cool water into her white porcelain bowl, she splashed her face until her cheeks cooled. Then, she proceeded to freshen up. Agnes helped her into her white muslin gown with small lilac flowers embroidered around the neckline and hem. She sat at her dressing table.

  "Agnes, please style my hair in a comfortable bun."

  "But my lady, you look so pretty wearing your hair in a looser style."

  "Please do as I ask.” Helena said. She reached for a black ribbon with a cameo dangling from the center and fastened it around her neck.

  Helena observed herself in the mirror. Her cool and composed demeanor stared back at her. Thank goodness, her reflection did not show her turbulent emotions.

  She admitted reluctantly, something about the duke aroused her. She didn't want to be attracted to him. Any man, especially a duke, expected his bride to be a virgin. Even though afterwards, couples seemed to look the other way at their spouse's liaisons. She must remain single for her and her family's sake

  Frowning, Helena brushed away thoughts best left forgotten. She would find Mama and Mary Ann and make sure all was well with them.

  The quietness of the house gave Helena the feeling it was empty. After having looked in most of the downstairs rooms, she asked Frederick where she could find Mary Ann or her mother.

  "All of the young people have gone walking, Lady Helena. Lord and Lady Steeples are meeting with the duke and his mother in your father's study.” Frederick smiled at Lady Helena. “Your sister said if you wished to join them they would be at the end of the lake, by the old dovecote."

  "Thanks, Frederick. I think I'll enjoy this quiet time up in the turret room. If anyone is looking for me, you can tell them where to find me."

  "Quite so, my lady. If anyone asks, I'll give them your message."

  * * * *

  "You want to marry Helena?” Lady Steeples asked and sat down abruptly on the chair beside her.

  "Yes, I have come to believe she would fit the role of my duchess much better than Lady Mary Ann.” The deafening quiet caused him to add quickly, “Not that I am criticizing Lady Mary Ann, but Lady Helena is more serious and settled. I don't think the role would be as overpowering for her as for her sister."

  Lord Steeples spoke up from where he sat behind his desk. “My daughter might not agree with you. It would be embarrassing for all of us if she should refuse your offer of marriage also. This has been an awkward time for both families."

  "I realize Lady Helena might refuse my proposal, since she said she is in love. Has she already contracted an agreement with this person?” Nicholas caught himself holding his breath, waiting for the answer.

  "In love? I don't know of whom she could be speaking. She hasn't shown the slightest interest in any young man, not since the Falscroft boy.” Lord Steeples chewed on his pipe stem and glanced over, as though to question his wife. “They had an understanding they would marry, when he returned from his sea duty, but he died in the war."

  "I know of no one either,” Lady Steeples added. “Surely you misunderstood her."

  "Their marriage would be most advantageous for both of our families,” Nicholas’ mother spoke up. “Both for personal reasons and for the political power it would give us. And I agree with my son.” The duchess emphasized with a shake of her head. “Your daughter, Lady Helena, would make a fine duchess. I suggest Nicholas discuss a marital arrangement with her. Perhaps she might reconsider."

  Lord and Lady Steeples glanced at each other. “This may be the answer for Helena,” her father said. “Since Falscroft died she has become reclusive, not at all her usual self."

  He stared at the duke standing behind his mother's chair. “If you can convince her to accept your suit, then we would be pleased.” Lord Steeples hesitated. “I too see much advantage to the union both for my daughter and our families."

  "Thank you, Lord Steeples. I will approach Lady Helena with my offer."

  "You know she will not willingly give up her painting?” Lady Steeples said, her hands twisting the long strand of pearls she wore.

  "I would not ask her to give up any of her interests. We shall discuss fully my expectations, before any announcement is made."

  "Good,” Lord Steeples smiled, stood up, and put out his hand. “Hopefully, you shall have better luck with this daughter, Your Grace."

  * * * *

  Helena got out her paints and stood for a minute looking across the lawn. She could see tiny figures in the distance, at the far end of the lake. She glanced at her current canvas. She was unhappy with it and not sure if she wanted to continue or start over.

  Picking up her sketching papers, she flipped through the sheets hoping to find inspiration. Uneasiness enveloped her. Usually she found only peace and solace here in her retreat.

  She wondered about the meeting between the duke, his mother, and her parents. Her parents were probably trying to smooth over the embarrassment of Mary Ann's refusal to marry him.

  Helena went back to her papers and stared at the blank page. She picked up a quill pen and began to sketch. Her hand flew across the sheet. Deep set eyes stared at her from the white paper, a strong jaw, and firm mouth. Stunned, she dropped her pen and turned the paper over.

  She heard footsteps coming up the stairwell, firm, heavy, steps. Her eyes stared toward the empty doorway and he came into sight.

  "May I join you?"

  "Your Grace, did you not want to go with the others on their outing?"

  "No, this seemed to be a good time to have the private talk I mentioned earlier today."

  "As I told you then, we have nothing to discuss.” She forced calmness to her voice and reached across to place her loose papers on a nearby table. Straightening, she faced him. “I'm sorry my sister has been unpleasant, but I can't help your cause."

  "I thought I made myself very clear last night. I no longer wish to marry your sister. It is obvious she would not do well as my duchess. I have decided on another. Someone I feel will much better fit the role."

  "Oh...that is good.” Helena felt a sickening drop in the pit of her stomach. “If you have another to take my sister's place so quickly there won't be as much gossip among the Ton."

  She ran her gaze over his tanned face and along his strong body encased in a bottle green fitted jacket and brown pants tucked into polished boots.

  "There is only one problem."

  His smoky voice brought her eyes to his. Her lips parted and heat flowed through the lower half of her body.

  "I hope my next offer of marriage will not be so summarily dismissed. It would be rather embarrassing to me and my family to have two rejections in a row."

  His eyes held her attention. They were the green of a stormy sea. “I feel sure, Your Grace, that you will be successful in your next endeavor.” She forced herself to look away and walk over to the window, clenching her hands on the window sill.

  "D
o you mind telling me who will receive your offer to be your future wife?"

  "Not at all. I am asking you to marry me, Lady Helena."

  Her breath caught in her throat as the shock of his words sank into her mind.

  * * * *

  Nicholas watched Helena's back stiffen and saw her hands tighten on the window sill. She seemed to barely breathe. He felt sure she did not dislike him. He waited for her answer.

  Slowly she turned around, her face pale, those captivating eyes darkened to midnight blue. Every hair in place, she had become the remote quiet sister he'd barely noticed before this visit to her home.

  "Is my offer so surprising, Lady Helena?"

  "Yes.” She held her hands out toward him. “I do not plan to marry, Your Grace. I thought you understood. I love someone else. Your mother and my parents both know of my desire to remain unwed.” Her words were soft, whispered in a breathless tone.

  He moved closer, resisting the unexpected urge to gather her into his arms and comfort her.

  "Why don't you want to marry, Lady Helena? If you love another, why has he not asked you to marry him?"

  "He is dead.” The stark cold words reflected in the dullness of her tone.

  The words hit him squarely in the chest, unexpectedly causing him to flinch, even though he'd already known the answer. “I am sorry to see you so sad. I don't believe your parents are aware you still grieve for your young man. How long has it been since his death?"

  "It doesn't matter. I shall not love another.” Her words came out forcefully and she walked from the window over to her easel. Picking up one of her brushes, she rolled it in her hand.

  "I see."

  "No, you don't. You know nothing of me.” She whirled around facing him with flashes of fire in her eyes. “All you want is any woman to fill a role and give you an heir. What she feels in here,” she clasped her hands over her heart, “or cares about is naught to you. You,” she flung up her hand and dropped her brush, “you think your title and riches will get you anything you want."

  He grabbed her, his hands tight on her upper arms as he pulled her hard against him. “And what do you know or care of my feelings and needs?” he growled, then lowered his mouth and bruised her soft lips in a hard punishing kiss.

  She strained against him but when he wrapped his arms around her, her mouth became softer and her body leaned into him. He enticed her to open her sweet, wet mouth and kiss him back. Lifting his hands to her head, he pulled the pins out of her hair, running his fingers through the thick silky waves, soft as velvet, and smelling of honeysuckle.

  Cupping her face in his hands, he stared. Her eyes closed, cheeks flushed, and that enticing mouth slightly open made him harden with hunger. Gently he kissed her eyelids, her cheeks, and her lips. She tasted like honey and the light fragrance of honeysuckle wafted around her body.

  Suddenly, he realized what he was doing. He stepped away and held his hands behind his back, his posture ramrod straight.

  "Forgive me, I have obviously surprised you with my offer, and I'm afraid another rejection has not brought out the best side of my character. My behavior today has not been commendable. I will be leaving with my family on the morrow and will not bother you again."

  He turned to leave and in his haste, his arm brushed against her papers. Her drawings fell to the floor. Reaching down, he picked them up. He froze, seeing his likeness staring up at him. He swung his head around, anger and confusion pulsing through his body. Flinging the sheets of paper into her outstretched hands, he stormed out the door.

  * * * *

  She listened to his footsteps race down the steps. Why, oh, why did the papers have to fall at his feet? She touched her swollen lips and hot cheeks.

  Lawson had kissed her and touched her long ago. Mostly his were laughing warm kisses and light loving touches, at least until the end. Never anything as overwhelming as the duke's kiss or the touch of his hands on her face. His fingers threading through her hair, the possessive unspoken demand of his body, all frightened her, at first.

  Yet, his kiss and touch changed and became gentler. She felt dizzy from the strong emotions he'd aroused.

  She would find Mama and talk with her. No, Mama would be overjoyed and encourage her to marry him. Whatever could she do?

  This can not happen. Even if she wanted to wed him, she mustn't. Her reason flashed before her. Why had she allowed Lawson to touch her? At the time, she'd hesitated, but he'd convinced her to show him her love. At seventeen, it had all seemed so romantic. Not like taking a small step that had changed her life so irrevocably. And now, she mustn't marry anyone. Of course, Mary Ann would not agree with her reasoning. And her traitorous body did not agree either.

  Feeling closed in by the walls of her sanctuary, Helena headed outside toward the maze. Walking the intricate path to the center always helped to calm her thoughts and no one would find her.

  "Lady Helena, may I speak with you?"

  Helena stopped. “I prefer to be alone."

  "I understand, my dear, but please give me a few minutes of your time. I can see you are upset. Since I also attended the meeting with your parents and my son, I think I am aware of what has caused your distress."

  That did it. Helena faced the duchess. “I'm sure you are. You all knew I don't plan to marry. Neither did I want to hurt your son after the way my sister has treated him. Why did you not explain to him my desire to remain unwed?"

  "How was I to know that you would not accept his offer? To be a duchess has turned many a woman's head. You and your sister being the exception."

  The dowager duchess peered up at Helena. “Tell me, my dear, why are you so determined to remain single, to be a spinster? It is sad you lost your first love, but do you wish for your whole life to be empty. I can not believe your young man wanted you to remain alone."

  Helena walked into the maze. Pebbles followed, barking happily at her feet.

  "I'm sorry, but I can't lose Pebbles, my dear,” the duchess said as she followed her pet and Helena deeper into the intricate paths leading to the center. “Oh, what a lovely spot."

  In the middle of the rounded area stood a large water fountain, the water making tingling noises, as it fell from the top to the second and bottom basin. Sunlight sparkled off the drops. Several benches stood around the cleared area and Helena went to one and sat.

  "Please join me. I apologize for my rudeness. I do owe you an explanation for my behavior."

  The duchess sat and pulled Pebbles up into her lap, patting his head to keep him quiet.

  "As I told your son, I was in love with a neighbor. We were unofficially betrothed. He went off to war and was killed. I don't want to love anyone again and can not picture myself as a wife."

  "I understand your feelings of grief, my dear, especially at such a young age. How old were you?"

  "Seventeen. Mama and Papa said we must wait to marry until he returned with a higher rank and then I'd be older.” Helena spoke, staring down at her hands folded in her lap.

  The duchess reached over covering Helena's hands with hers. “You have chosen a long lonely life for yourself, my dear. I hope you might reconsider your plans for your own sake."

  Helena looked up. “Why do you want me to marry your son knowing I don't love him?"

  "You are a lovely young lady and I am sure you will make him a fine wife. I believe love can grow. My son wants a convenient marriage. Each of you would have your roles to play in our society.” She stopped talking and stared into the distance, while gently stroking Pebbles head. She smiled at Helena. “You respect each other and that is a start. You'd have children to love and to fill your days with joy. Yes,” she nodded, “I believe you would be good for each other."

  Helena looked around at the fountain and remembered another time and someone else asking her to marry him. Her heart had beat fast, joy filling her body. She pictured Lawson standing in front of her, his blue eyes twinkling.

  But that was long ago and he wasn't coming home
. If she was honest, part of her was relieved at not having to make a decision about marrying him. She had changed. Four years of keeping the secret regarding her virginity had set in her mind the facts of her life. She couldn't marry. She knew this. And with that, knowledge she'd accepted what her life would be. She devoted her time to painting and quiet pursuits with her family. Lawson became a convenient excuse to avoid any commitments or time spent in the company of possible suitors.

  "I see I have made you sad. I'm sorry. Please consider what I've said.” The duchess patted Helena's hands. She put Pebbles down and stood. “Come along, Pebbles."

  Helena stayed where she was long after the dowager duchess left. Thoughts of yesterday filled her mind. The good memories and the bad, especially the one she regretted. A cool wind whipped around her and she shivered. She'd lied to the duchess. She didn't still love Lawson and she feared she might be starting to care too much for Nicholas.

  "Helena, the duchess said I'd find you here.” Mary Ann came into view walking with the help of a cane. She smiled at her sister, until noting Helena's expression.

  "What is it?” She sat and pulled Helena into her arms. “Has someone upset you?"

  No, I've been thinking, but all my thoughts go around in circles."

  "Now, you sound like me,” Mary Ann teased.

  Helena smiled. Her twin always lifted her spirits. “Mary Ann, the duke has decided I should marry him, since you refused. He and his mother seem to think that's the solution for our families and us. And I believe Mama and Papa agree."

  "How do you feel?"

  "I honestly don't know. Mama has been pushing me to think about marriage. She wants me to seriously consider the suitors we meet during the season this year."

  "And will you?"

  "You know I won't. Anyway, there isn't much chance that we'll meet anyone different from the last three years.” Helena stopped when she realized what she'd said. “Soon we'll both be considered on the shelf and opportunities to marry will be gone.” She laughed at Mary Ann's expression.